Submitted by Jude (West Palm Beach, FL)

I have clearly lost my sense of humor along with my willpower. Last week when my husband uttered the immortal words “are you aware you’re putting on weight?” I admit I couldn’t see the funny side and exploded:

‘AWARE? Of course I’m ***%*@* AWARE! You think I enjoy resembling an extra from Walking With Dinosaurs? Do you seriously believe I haven’t noticed half my clothes don’t fit? RIGHT THAT’S IT I’m going to starve myself, I’m going to be anorexic and you’ll feel so guilty.” “No no Darling” he replied “ you look absolutely beautiful, it’s just that I want you to feel good about yourself because then you’ll feel good about me.” HA! So that’s what this is about. Well tough toenails mate I do feel good and I’m NOT the sort of woman who diets to keep her man.

So here I am at my first Weight Watchers meeting, I am so inspired! Peggy, our slim, dynamic leader says we’ve collectively lost 58 pounds this week (much applause.) Amazing! Surely I can do this too? Anyway the sheer humiliation of publicly hopping on the scales (minus shoes, sweater,earrings and anything else removable without surgery) will be the ultimate deterrent against popping that extra chocolate in my mouth.

Unfortunately my wardrobe is currently size coded:

1. Clothes that fit (smallest category.)

2. Clothes that fit if I can tolerate the waistband lacerating my stomach.

3. Clothes that will fit when I’ve lost fifteen pounds.

I AM NOT telling Denis that I’ve joined Weight Watchers, I’m going to surprise him, so for a few weeks I’ll have to undress in the dark. Besides I couldn’t tolerate his smug “aren’t you on diet?” comments tonight as I devour a box of Godiva while watching Walking With Dinosaurs.

Slimming Wine: Sauvignon Blanc 122 Cal. per glass.