View from the Empty Nest: Inspiration Generation
Tuesday
May 18, 2010
Ladies, please join us in welcoming Molly to our staff of regular contributors. Molly’s monthly column “View from the Empty Nest” takes a fun and engaging look at life after the kids leave home.
My generation of women demonstrated against the Vietnam War, burned our bras, and founded the Women’s Lib movement. Along the way, some of us discovered drugs and free love. My friends and I wore bell bottoms, competed for corporate jobs, and had nannies.
Our daughters watched. They watched their Mommies pack lunches, wear pearls and pantyhose, write business plans, and worship Steven Covey. They also watched us cook meals, schlep them around to soccer games, and bake cookies. Our daughters were much more observant than we thought they were. They learned from us.
Our daughters learned how to multi task. Some of them became techno geniuses and helped invent the gadgets that have made multi tasking so manageable. Others used their burgeoning awareness of opportunities for women to become highly paid professionals in careers that were not yet open to their mothers’ generation.
This group of talented girls, now into their twenties and thirties, makes achievement look like a walk in the park. They have careers. They run marathons. They cook like Ina Garten. They look like Cameron Diaz, and they entertain like Martha Stewart.
I have observed my two daughters become women that I could never imaging being. One speaks Spanish fluently, teaches high school, and mentors inner city children, while keeping horses and showing them regularly all over the country… My other daughter is a talent agent, a wine consultant, and a professional hostess who schedules wine tastings and dinner parties several times a week
I have been in awe of both of my girls since they were teens. They do things right now that I still have on my bucket list. They are confident, bold, and a little sassy! They lead their lives instead of following life, a job, or a man around.
Now they are approaching parenthood. I know my girls won’t be the Mom I was. They will be efficient, involved, inspiring, and yet nurturing. They will tire themselves out and sell themselves short, just as we did raising them. But just as our generation learned from our Mothers, this group of enterprising young women has done the same. Unlike us, they won’t put off adventure in favor of parenthood. They won’t worry about starting families in their thirties or beyond. They won’t work for others—they will create their own enterprises. Our daughters will be their own bosses. Call the shots.
My girls don’t think I am watching them. But I do. And what I see them doing each day enthralls and astounds me. This generation of young women is ASTOUNDING.
Their Mothers and Grandmothers take all the credit.
Comments
Elisa
May 18th, 2010 at 7:42 am
i wish my mom thought the same…. or at least it would be nice to hear it from her. Even from this blog, it’s nice to hear someone thinks our generation is doing. You see, i’ve just reached 30 and became a mom. It doesn’t seem that easy any more….
Debbie
May 18th, 2010 at 8:21 am
I also watch my daughter’s manage their lives and raise their children, my grandbabies, and sit in awe at how they do this life so much better than I did.
Being an empty nester is wonderful, and yet as difficult as being a young mom. The expectations that came with this new opportunity are exciting. But I do miss being needed. Not to babysit or love on the g’kids. But, by my girls who no longer need me in the way I grew used to being needed. Maybe this means I did my job well. Let’s hope so.
Nik
May 18th, 2010 at 8:44 am
This was a wonderful article. Debbie, I can tell you that as a woman with a family, house and a career, that they best gift you could have given your daughters is the ability to be strong, independent women. I know that you feel that your girls no longer need you, but they do, just possibly in different ways. Raising my daughter has made me realize how special it is to be a mom and that no one, NO ONE, in this world loves you like your mother does. That will never change.
Lori
May 18th, 2010 at 9:12 am
I have two young adult children; a 25 yr old daughter and a 20 yr old son. Both are independent in every aspect. I do not look at them and think they do not need me, I look at them and am proud of how strong and self sufficient they are, and would like to believe that as a mom, it is a job well done. Too many children today seem to be coddled and smothered and find it difficult to grow up and stand on their own. As for the empty nest, after a 20 plus year career as a business owner, soccer mom, etc, I am now thoroughly enjoying MY time.
Trish Dolan
May 18th, 2010 at 9:13 am
Such a nicely written column to compliment your daughters achievements…..a great reason to tip your glass and celebrate what a great mother you are!
molly campbell
May 18th, 2010 at 9:30 am
Thanks so much. Unfortunately, Debbie, I have no grandchildren yet. Trish, you are a gem. Elisa, they will thank you eventually! My girls are often to busy to even READ my blog! molly
KLZ
May 18th, 2010 at 9:55 am
Molly is amazing! And you SHOULD take credit – you paved the way and raised them.
I’m so glad to see you over here.
Marcia Fine
May 18th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Love it! You’re a mom with a great point of view!
XXXMarcia
Tracy
May 18th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
What a great piece! You are a strong momma and have obviously done an amazing job with your daughters!! Every generation is different and you have passed on many great things your daughters will need to know.
molly campbell
May 18th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Thanks! If you continue to read my columns, you will see that there were many mothering mistakes made by me, and my girls grew up fine DESPITE having me as their mother! I am looking forward to meeting more of you, and making you all FEEL BETTER about the hard, hard world of mommying! molly
Kris
May 18th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
I love your post, Molly, but I want to reach out and give your first commenter a hug.
Elisa? Hugs to you, babe.
It is not easy, and there is not always recognition. Motherhood is difficult and time-consuming and emotionally draining and just plain exhausting. No matter what generation in which you happen to find yourself, and no matter how great your life might look from the outside looking in.
It’s hard. But you will do a great job. You will make mistakes along the way (because we all do), but you will be fine. Just know that the others? The ones who are making it look easy and are making you feel like you are inadequate?
They are just better at hiding stuff.
And you, Molly! I want to hear more about your mothering mistakes! I love that stuff!
Heidi
May 18th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Hi Molly,
Wonderful post, as always. I love your perspective.
molly campbell
May 18th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
My next post here will be about my mothering mistakes. I had to work hard to edit it down enough. It started out as a TOME. Kris, thanks. Heidi, glad you came to visit. Marcia, I am glad to be your friend. Love to all you strong women! molly
Jenners
May 18th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Well said! Sadly, I’m not half the mom my mom was … she always served a salad at dinner!
susie weaver
May 22nd, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Hi Molly! Congrats on writing for the “big leagues.” This is so cool and I am so proud of you and all your recent accomplishments. I realize that I am very lucky that my two sons married daughters who are in fact, as you describe, “doing it all” and pretty much on their own terms. Nevertheless, I do worry about them and just hope they are getting enough sleep!!! Susie
Sue Ogden
June 18th, 2010 at 3:10 am
I read this sentence in your post: I know my girls won’t be the Mom I was
I was tearing up. Some of what you said – resonnates so clearly with me. But in another way it scares me to death. We must be close to the same age and I will book mark this as a thread that originated from Erma. My fear is: will they really understand what is important? Erma gave me my anchor for keeping everything in perspective with humor. From the first time I washed the nookie that fell on the floor with boiling water to upgrading to the hose out side- ending with shaking it off or spitting on it- she was my guidepost. I am not sure if my girls ages 24- 28 will have the balance when they tackle motherhood?
Sue Ogden
June 18th, 2010 at 3:17 am
Second- I am so glad I found this thread. Other threads on the Writers Workshop were ladies that were too young to have raised their kids with her guidance. Recently I was at a wedding – the first of my immediate group. The grandmom came up to me and said ” you are Sue, you are the writer that reminds me of Erma. This lady must have been 80. She said ” how can we keep her instruction manual for living current and relevant to my grandaughter so they will know how to raise kids?” I felt a connection to her that was really strong- she raised her daughter – my friend with Erma’s help. I raised my kids- but now she is dated. I feel like some of the people in their 30’s that are trying to promote themselves by tagging her- don’t get it. There was one article about a lady called the Urban Erma that said she was tagging along with her husband when he played golf- so they could spend time together.
The Erma I knew. loved and wrote to and received letters from- would roll her eyes. I can’t imagine that she would take up golf to spend time with her husband?? That is something my daughter would do and she does not get it. My Erma would have pulled his golf shirt out of the dryer- shook it off- packed his lunch and said- don’t hurry back so she could enjoy some peace and quiet. No woman i grew up with would try to smother their husband – we stayed married 31 years because we gave each other some breathing room???? comments???
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