Forgive me World, but sometimes I have to go to the doctor. This probably happens twice a year at most, but yes, it does happen. And yes, I did get the memo titled Mommies Getting Sick is Verboten, but like I said, it happens.

It happened yesterday, as a matter of fact. Though my throat’s been hurting for about two weeks, I’ve gone about my life, ignoring it just like any good mommy would, in accordance with the afore-mentioned memo. But then, the unthinkable happened. I woke up yesterday without a voice. Let me tell you, it is very difficult to spend an entire day alone with a two year old and a four year old and no ability to speak.

Those kids outright laughed at me when I attempted to enforce a time out. Apparently, my crazy, emphatic, gesturing to the stairs was funny to them. How lovely that my sore throat becomes amusement for the whole family.

Since the mute parenting wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped, since I had no idea how long my voice would be on vacation, and since I was in pain, I called my doctor’s office. Somehow, the kind receptionist could understand my garbled sultry whisperings and fit me in for a late afternoon appointment.

Fieldtrip!

But not the fun kind that revolves around the kids. Not the kind the results in stickers and ice cream for everyone. The kind that forces me, the two munchkins and a doctor together in a 4×4 exam room that may well double as an echo chamber. Because over the chaos that my dear children were creating, I couldn’t hear a word that doctor said beyond, “Claritin.”

Awesome.

I was kinda banking on an antibiotic and relief within 24 hours, which is why I bothered to arrange this little rendez-vous. But Claritin? Seriously? Tell me that over the phone, dude! Don’t make me haul my butt and two other little butts in for Claritin!

Well, people, I got home and took the Claritin. Just like the doctor ordered. And guess what? I woke up this morning able to enforce time outs like nobody’s business. Don’t mess with me kids, I’m no longer channeling Marcel Marceau. My mime days are over.

Now, sit down and lemme read you a book!