Uncorked in the Burbs: Down the Rabbit Hole (aka The Easter Jig is Up)

I sense my second grader is about to blow the roof off the whole imaginary-characters-that-accompany-childhood thing. The culprit: The Easter Bunny.

I’m generally a good accomplice to the imaginary harbingers of holidays. For example, I can completely keep track of the tooth fairy. Kid loses a tooth; fairy shows up & gives some coinage. Why does every kid get different amounts of money (or some kids even presents)? In our house the reason is because each family is assigned a specific “Tooth Fairy” who takes care of all your dental disposal needs. The kid next door gets coloring books and a $10 bill? That’s because they have a different (and far more generous) fairy than we do.

Santa is totally safe, too. In our family, Santa drops down the chimney each December 25 to help us celebrate a Very Special Birthday. He brings each kid 3 presents, because – well hey, if it was good enough for the Wise Men, it’s good enough for us.

Even the leprechaun is just hiding his gold coins at the end of the rainbow and having fun wreaking havoc and causing mischief.

But darn it, I simply cannot keep my Easter Bunny mythology straight. It goes something like this:
Me: We’re gonna hide eggs for Jesus!
Kids: Huh?
Me: It’s okay, there’s a bunny. And candy!

I just don’t know how to make a reasonable sounding argument that connects pastel-colored chicken eggs, fake grass in a woven basket, candy … and a huge, man-sized rabbit. The whole series of events is so bizarre that any attempt I make is half-hearted at best.

Which brings us to my current dilemma. Emma is just at the age where this mammoth gap in reasoning is going to bite me in the ass. She’s now old enough where the candy isn’t enough of a distraction to stop the questions of, “So how exactly does the Easter bunny get in our house? Does he go down the chimney like Santa?” or “Why do we have to color the eggs? And what does a bunny want with eggs, anyway?”

There don’t seem to be pat answers for these mysteries in secular Easter lore. So I think the jig is up.

And I’m sad, because I have a feeling that once this Rabbit-sized domino falls from grace, the others will quickly follow. And I’m not quite ready for that yet.

Kellie is a slightly frazzled mom-with-good-intentions to her two energetic children: “Emma” (b. 2003) and “Ryan” (b. 2006). She lives in the ‘burbs and works from her home office-- trying to make good on the promise of personally and professionally ‘having it all’ but usually ends up with a never-ending To Do list and a bald spot from pulling out her hair in an effort to get it all done. Her goal is to raise well-adjusted future adults who believe in themselves. Some days, however, she’ll happily settle for kids who don’t pester her during a client call and a big glass of wine.
7 Responses to Uncorked in the Burbs: Down the Rabbit Hole (aka The Easter Jig is Up)
  1. Alie

    I just tell them that everywhere the bunny hops (or stops) he leaves an egg behind where he was standing. No, he doesn’t lay an egg – that would be stupid wouldn’t it, because we all know that hens lay eggs, not bunnies. But the Easter Bunny is a magic bunny and the chocolate eggs spring up like mushrooms wherever his feet touch. Then poof, he disappears as quickly as he appeared. Can you see him? Sometimes you see him, but he has so many houses to get to, that sometimes he comes in the early morning just before the sun wakes up. Does Jesus tell the Easter Bunny to come? Hmmm. Oh look, I think the buzzer is dinging on the stove, I better go check it.

  2. Carrie

    The eggs are a fertility thing, left over from pagan religions and although I wouldn’t swear to it, I would venture that the bunny has something to do with that also. After all, bunnies are some of the most fertile creatures on the planet. We don’t celebrate the secular aspects of holidays so I have no good ideas for how to tie that in. In our house, the holiday is ALL about the bunny, so I don’t have to spin that story :)

  3. Melanie

    When my daughter was 3, I put her into bed and when downstairs to fill/hide the Easter baskets…little did I know that she had followed me down stairs. As I started to get the candy out, I turned around an found her standing in the livingroom, not believing her eyes! So, as I took her by the hand and led her back to bed, I asked her if she knew what this all ment. “Yes”, she said, “it means that YOU are the Easter Bunny, and the one at the Mall is just some guy in a costume!”…”Yes, that’s right, but don’t tell your brother Jack, cause he doesn’t know.” And as I was bracing myself for “Is Santa Real?” questions she said “But how do you get to everyone elses house?” Stunned, OMG, I’m THE EASTER BUNNY!…I simply said that I was magic, of course, and that I got help from my sisters, that we each took part of the world and made sure that everyone’s eggs were hidden, and that everyone got stuff in their basket (sometime partents would let us know what to put in it, books rather than candy)…She is now 8, every year she helps with our house, and someday she’ll be old enough to come out into the world….

  4. Carole

    Not sure if this will help, but it looks cute!


  5. Arietta Moon

    the inclusion of a “bunny” in the celebration of easter is a hang over from the ancient festival of Ostara (celebrated at the spring equinox)

    the myth associated with the festival can be found here…


  6. C.J.

    I am just lucky… the youngest of my three boys, now in 4th grade still believes in all of them. He was telling us @ Christmas that he was getting a lot of flack on the bus for believing in Santa. (Yes, I will admit 10 is getting a little past that age, but his my youngest after all!!) His reply:
    “Santa MUST be real, because the Easter Bunny is real too! Mom and Dad would NEVER give us THAT MUCH candy, EVER!!!!”

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