Mommy in the Raw: Damn These Girly Parts
Monday
Jan 23, 2012
As I’ve mentioned repeatedly all over this wee corner of the world wide web, I dig being a girl. A lot.
But yesterday, not so much.
I was at work, minding my own damned business, when I was attacked. By my own insides. And they were pissed. My instinct? Move through the pain. As if I were in a friggin yoga class or something. So, I ever so slowly, got myself over to the bathroom. Because, as I tell my kids, if you have a belly ache, it usually goes away after you poop. Right? Yeah, bad call. Bad, bad call.
That set off all little gangsters armed with shards of glass who were camped out in the right side of my oh-so-bloated abdomen.
I couldn’t stand up straight. I couldn’t zip my pants. I couldn’t control the tears shooting down my face.
It hurt like a mofo.
Here’s the thing: it was 11am and I was at work.
I called my OB/GYN all set to blame my stupid IUD who, clearly gave the little gangsters inside me their marching orders. But, my OB passed me off to my internist (“sounds like appendicitis…or something…”). My internist passed me off to urgent care. Which is all well and good except that I was making these calls doubled over in pain and oh my God don’t put me on hold again and I’m crying at work you assholes and there’s no way in hell I can drive myself over to urgent care and who the hell is going to pick up my kids at 3 this needs to be resolved ASAP and jeezus! I’m standing up crying with my pants unzipped at work.
I called my husband. He left his job and came to save me. Immediately. Because he’s the awesomest.
12 pm: He took me directly to the ER. He held my hand while I screamed in pain, with my pants unzipped, sitting in a wheel chair, in the ER lobby, waiting for triage.
The little gangsters were waging a war. On my ovary.
I was forced to tell my story like 18 times to 18 different people: I’ve been bloated and farty since Tuesday no I’ve only had a cup of coffee and chocolate covered almonds to eat this morning yes they’re delicious and yes I have a UTI I mean no I have an IUD not a UTI the pain started at 11 am no I’m not allergic to any meds I know I should try to drink more water I don’t remember when my last period was wait it is 10 days ago PLEASE don’t touch me no I can’t lie back you moron, I’m doubled over in pain seriously you’re gonna screw up the IV? Ouch, c’mon really? That’s not where the damn needle goes, haven’t you done this before? Wait, no…pain…ahhhh.
I love morphine, don’t you?
Wait! Who’s gonna pick up my kids?
And after four hours of unpleasantness including a lovely enema, I was discharged with a script for percocet and a directive to call my OB/GYN. Because it wasn’t appendicitis, people. An ovarian cyst that I didn’t know I had blew up.
But I’m feeling much better now. And my kids were protected the whole time. They weren’t inconvenienced in the slightest. Blessed be babysitters with cars. And damn these girly parts!
Comments
Liz
January 23rd, 2012 at 2:59 pm
I totally feel your pain. I had my first ovarian cyst rupture when I was 13 and it was horrible. I have a countdown going for when my doctor will give me a girly part-ectomy so that I don’t have to deal with that every few months.
Ann
January 23rd, 2012 at 7:17 pm
Oh boy, I can totally relate! Four ER visits, two surgeries (one because they were sure the pain was my gall bladder and then because they were sure the pain was my appendix) and one ambulance trip later, they find that it was ovarian cysts that were rupturing.
During one such event, when I was doubled over in the bathroom at work, the girls were doing checks of the firemen, paramedics and police officers that responded to the 911 call. They would open the door and ask…”do you only want the ones not wearing a wedding ring?” So much for being single in the workplace!
Ann R
January 24th, 2012 at 12:02 am
I knew after the first sentence what you were talking about. Been there, twice. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. I came close to passing out from the pain, and I was sitting in the bathroom, like you! The good things about my experience were that a) the pain finally passed (after the cyst exploded inside me) and b) the second time around, I knew what it was. I have not had a third time. Don’t want one!
Tania Knight
January 24th, 2012 at 6:30 am
I also thought don’t tell me “ovarian cyst”?
I had one that was bleeding into my ovary just before Christmas 2 years ago. After putting up with the pain (curled up in a ball) for hours finally let my hubby take me to hospital.
After an ultrasound, hours later, and even more pain, I had a young lady doctor who had apparently been looking at my ultrasound, came to tell me I had fibroids in my uterus. This was the same uterus that was removed the previous year with the fibroids I had in it. After I advised her I had no uterus and perhaps she should check again, I never saw her again. Mega strong prescription drugs got me through it but thankfully I’ve not had it again (touch wood). My gyno/oncologist & I have a plan if there ever is a next time but it was the worse pain I’ve ever been through & I suffered badly as a teenager from IBS and used to have to get needles at hospital. I really feel for everyone that goes through it …absolutely excruciating. The only positive side.. I got to see how much my hubby cares as he was my rock through it all.
Cristen P
January 25th, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Had one burst for the first time when I was 41 and it happened to be when I had just finished radiation for DCIS/stage 0 breast cancer and was beginning hormone therapy, but I hadn’t started taking the meds yet! I was overly paranoid about an issue suddenly with my ovary but an ultrasound confirmed the fluid leakage and my gyn told me it would dissipate soon. It did and I haven’t had one in the 5 months since. Very painful though, and mine also flared up at work…what is that???
brenda
February 3rd, 2012 at 10:42 am
I had the same thing happen. At home relaxing after dinner then WHAM??Dropped me to my kknees. I have had kidney stones etc… and this was something I never want again. Finally went in and the kind dr gave me a shot of morphine.Love that stuff!!!!!!!Only have one ovary-typical it would be that!!!My partner who tthhinks it is funny to cronolodge oour life through camera took great pics(not so much)through my ordeal…His way of re-directing focus…sure hope it dosen’t decide to take up lodggiing inside my 47 yr old body!!!!!!!!!!I am done!!!!!!