About Christina-Marie

Christina-Marie Wright is the manic mother of seven, wife to a real estate professional and political activist (the same guy—Mr. Wright) and author of the hilarious "Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House," available on Amazon. After giving birth to one child—just to see if her body worked—she picked up four full-time stepchildren and two adopted children along her zigzagging path to (near) self-actualization. Her family isn’t “blended.” It’s “pureed.” That frothy blend of maternal mayhem includes: Princess (stepdaughter, b. 1990, Veterinary Medicine student), The Dude (stepson, b. 1993, employed, living on his own), Pockets (bio son, b. 1994, attending college), Pepper (stepdaughter, b. 1996, high school diva), GirlWonder (stepdaughter, b. 1997, middle school over-achiever), Curlytop (adopted daughter, b. 2005, special needs child allergic to Red Dye 40) and Snugglebug (adopted daughter, b. 2006, diagnosed Sensory Processing Dysfunction, also allergic to Red Dye 40). A vegan for over 15 years, and a Washington state native, Christina-Marie makes her home along the Columbia River, and the view from her living room is better than yours. She's also a sexual health consultant, and absolutely capable of teaching you how to find your G-spot. You can find Christina-Marie hanging out with a snifter of Southern Comfort at TheGonzoMama.com and SexyVeganMama.com.

Yours, Mine and Theirs: Motherhood Ruined my Jams

My new car has satellite radio, y’all. This is a new, exciting, grown-up thing for me. Initially, I was in love with the idea of “all 80s, all the time,” just one click away from “badass hits of the 90s,” but reviving the music of my youth isn’t the walk down memory lane I’d hoped for. How the hell did this filth become the anthems of my youth?! Looking back on my fave songs … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: Fifty Shades of ‘Meh’

So, there’s a movie coming out this weekend. 50 Shades of Something? A lot of my clients are really excited about it, and as a sexual health educator and purveyor of intimacy-enhancing items, I won’t say it’s been bad for business. What I will say is… I don’t see the point. As you may know, the movie is based upon a trilogy of books which are -- literarily speaking -- a shining … [Read more...]

Yours Mine and Theirs: Oh, the Emptiness…

It started in the bathroom. Upon waking I had to pee so bad, I was having third trimester flashbacks. Maybe it was too much caffeine, or maybe it was the last glass of wine before bed, but I had to go. The sweet relief of release was tainted by the empty toilet paper roll staring back at me from the spindle. No back-up rolls, either. Ugh. Thankfully, I’ve trained hard for the Drip-Dry event … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: Sorry I’m Not Sorry My Kid Didn’t Get Her Homework Done

Dear Third Grade Classroom Teacher: Sorry I'm not sorry Curlytop didn't get her homework packet done. I know your weekly schedule is probably very busy, and finding time to make sure my daughter is completing her assigned work is probably pretty stressful. To add to your chaos level, you happen have the distinct misfortune of having me as one of your classroom parents. Not that I'm a total … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine & Theirs: Caution, Slippery When Wet

In my professional role as a sexual health educator, I'm perhaps most notoriously known for being a lubricant Nazi. I've been known to take women from protests of, "Girl, I don't need lube! I'm telling you, a river runs through it, if you know what I'm saying," to paranoid exclamations of, "My God... Everything I thought I knew has been a lie!" It's true. Every woman between the ages of 18 and … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: Pimp My Mom Ride

Dear Pimp My Mom Ride: You may have seen me driving around town. That 20-year-old SUV with “WASH ME” etched into the quarter-inch of dirt and caked mud (thanks, kids)? Yeah, that was me. Should any of my friends contact you to say my vehicle needs an overhaul (it does!), I’d appreciate it if you don’t let them know we’ve been in touch. I know loved ones always have suggestions as to … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: My Summer F*&# It List

School is ready to release for the summer, and Pinterest tells me all the good mothers of the world are looking forward to accomplishing five hundred things on their “Summer Bucket Lists” while enrolling their precious progeny in day camps, sports clinics, adventure learning sessions, and spending invaluable “quality downtime” as a family. Um… yeah. That’s not exactly my plan for the … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: I’m Ready… Or Not!

I had the good fortune to see my 39th birthday last month. Yep. This year will be the last time I’ll be able to say, with a smile and straight face, “I’m only 39!” Am I ready to turn 40? Not really. I don’t feel 40. Except my feet. My feet feel every single day of 60. They’ve logged a lot of miles, hops and bounces -- walking down to the old swimming hole every day of every summer … [Read more...]

Your, Mine and Theirs: Not Your Typical Valentine’s Day

As the mother of two children with Red Dye allergies, no holiday is more terrifying than Valentine’s Day. So. Much. Pink. And, red. Oh, and also some purple, thrown in for good measure. My kids are the odd ones out, whose teachers have to capture all the candies attached to the cheap, cartoon-splashed paper cards. We send “safe” treats for Curlytop and Snugglebug, for which they trade in … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: How I’m Already #Winning2014

Ah, 2013... Just when I started to really get to know you, you cut loose, leaving me with only memories. Remember all the promises we made to each other? What did you call them... Resolutions? Remember how my promise to be more organized burned into a crispy mess, like a French fry stuck in the bottom of the deep-fryer? Remember how Christmas Eve came, and I still didn't have the tree … [Read more...]