Yours, Mine and Theirs: Motherhood Ruined my Jams

My new car has satellite radio, y’all. This is a new, exciting, grown-up thing for me. Initially, I was in love with the idea of “all 80s, all the time,” just one click away from “badass hits of the 90s,” but reviving the music of my youth isn’t the walk down memory lane I’d hoped for. How the hell did this filth become the anthems of my youth?! Looking back on my fave songs … [Read more...]

View from the Empty Nest: Just Your Average Joe

I read an article recently that made a lot of sense, and it also caused great relief. The gist of the article was that our common perception of what is “average” has been vastly inflated by the media. The result is that most of us think what is “normal” is actually far above it. Let me cite an example: Granite countertops. Whenever I watch HGTV, all the young couples looking for their … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: Fifty Shades of ‘Meh’

So, there’s a movie coming out this weekend. 50 Shades of Something? A lot of my clients are really excited about it, and as a sexual health educator and purveyor of intimacy-enhancing items, I won’t say it’s been bad for business. What I will say is… I don’t see the point. As you may know, the movie is based upon a trilogy of books which are -- literarily speaking -- a shining … [Read more...]

Yours Mine and Theirs: Oh, the Emptiness…

It started in the bathroom. Upon waking I had to pee so bad, I was having third trimester flashbacks. Maybe it was too much caffeine, or maybe it was the last glass of wine before bed, but I had to go. The sweet relief of release was tainted by the empty toilet paper roll staring back at me from the spindle. No back-up rolls, either. Ugh. Thankfully, I’ve trained hard for the Drip-Dry event … [Read more...]

View from the Empty Nest: Flu 101

Are you one of the few people in the US who hasn't had the flu yet? You might need some tips from the rest of us who have had it. Follow these, and perhaps your flu experience will be more pleasant and fulfilling! For heaven's sake, stock up on tissue. I find that the kind with the lotion is overrated. Your nose will get all chapped anyway. So: Stock up on Vaseline. Actually, this is an … [Read more...]

View from the Empty Nest: Reach Out and Touch Somebody. But Not Literally.

Sherry Turkle is an MIT professor who has written a number of books. She began as a real fan of social media. Oh, gosh. Some of you may not know what that is. Facebook you know about, right? Well, that is one social media platform. There are HUNDREDS. Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Stumbleupon, Tsu, Reddit. The list goes on and on. Millions of us—maybe billions of us, use social media every day. … [Read more...]

View from the Empty Nest: Wrong Number

Remember land lines? When the phone on your kitchen wall would ring, and you would answer it and talk to somebody? And that was it? You couldn’t see people’s lunch photos on it, or get a text message? Life was so much simpler then. Now, we feel compelled to stay in touch with everybody all the time. I think that the population of the world really needs to see the latest pictures of my … [Read more...]

Yours, Mine and Theirs: Sorry I’m Not Sorry My Kid Didn’t Get Her Homework Done

Dear Third Grade Classroom Teacher: Sorry I'm not sorry Curlytop didn't get her homework packet done. I know your weekly schedule is probably very busy, and finding time to make sure my daughter is completing her assigned work is probably pretty stressful. To add to your chaos level, you happen have the distinct misfortune of having me as one of your classroom parents. Not that I'm a total … [Read more...]

View from the Empty Nest: What We All Wish We Could Ask That Doctor at the Cocktail Party

1.) I have been having these pains behind my right eye when I watch more than three hours of HGTV  at one sitting. Could this be a tumor? Would eye drops help? 2.) Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? Don’t you just love it? 3.) Whenever I blow my nose, my ears itch. Is this serious? And can people drown using Neti Pots? 4.) How do you know if you have hemorrhoids? 5.) I get backaches … [Read more...]

View from the Empty Nest: The Status Quo

I read an article on the Huffington Post, I think, about being a grandparent. The woman who wrote it said that she has no real desire to be one. I guess she thought that this was very controversial and would cause all kinds of furious comments, thus making her viral and famous. Of course, I may just be a bit contentious myself today. Because here is the thing: of course you don’t … [Read more...]