Dear Sydney and Elijah, You are 5 and 3 years old and something happened today that warrants some discussion. Maybe not now, but someday, you’ll ask. And I’ll have to have my answers ready. A man was killed today. A bad man. A man who was responsible for hurting many people all over the world. It took our country 10 years and 2 wars to track him down. But we did. We found him. … [Read more...]

My four year old needs to simmer down. He’s like a damn crazy person. Running around, going to farm class and cooking class and gymnastics and swimming and soccer and t-ball and insisting on accompanying his two year old brother and I to music class and going to birthday parties every weekend and needing to go to the playground constantly. Not to mention the obsessiveness with which he gardens, … [Read more...]

My Facebook page says, “I’m rarely going to be checking this.” And that was true. At first. When I had babies and was constantly changing diapers, nursing, and rocking. Now that my kids are old enough to fend for themselves (they're 3 and 5) I’ve linked my Twitter account to my Facebook page. Result? I’m now forced to constantly check Facebook. So I can delete inappropriate updates … [Read more...]

My parents were awesome about letting me use their cars. Whenever one was available. They would even go so far as to schedule themselves around me, their responsible, mature, eldest child. I was 16. I did well in school. (When I was there.) I didn’t drink. (Much.) But I did do lots of other stuff to warrant being slapped around a little.  My parents were not into slapping, though. Or … [Read more...]

At the tail end of my last pregnancy, I found myself with an annoying, sometimes incapacitating pain in my left hip. Shortly after I turned 32, I was diagnosed with Third Trimester Osteoporosis of the Hip. Ever heard of it? No? (Please note that my facial expression is one of total shock and disbelief.) That’s because nobody gets this disease. Literally no one GETS it. Ok. Like a few women a … [Read more...]

You know what's awesome? Traveling with two little kids on early morning flights. It's really the most brilliant plan, to book seats on the first plane of the day, because wherever you're going with your small children, you'll get there in time to enjoy the entire day there. Who cares that your flight could possibly get bumped up even earlier? Who cares that you may be forced to wake … [Read more...]

Dear 23-Year-Old-Single-Girl-Trying-to-be-a-Modern-Dancer-in-New-York-City, First of all, Friend, stop dating idiots. And, for the record, you may as well stop obsessing over whether they call or not because, well, they’re idiots. Also, stop dating your brother’s friends. And stop dating the guy you’ve been on again off again with for the last 6 years. He’s not an idiot. But in six … [Read more...]

To the Mother of the Sicko at that Birthday Party: I’m trying not to be irrationally upset about this, lady, but…umm… how could you bring your child to a birthday party KNOWING she’d probably upchuck all over the damned place? I mean, the degrees of obnoxiousness are staggering. How do you think the birthday boy felt about what will be known forever more as The Birthday Barf Incident? … [Read more...]

My oldest son is turning 5 in about a week. To celebrate, we are having a birthday party. A gymnastics party, actually. And he is stoked. We sent out invitations. We reserved the place in advance. I even ordered his presents for him already. I am SO on the ball. But, it’s the political factor that I find…well…disconcerting. I mean, I don’t wanna sound like an over-privileged, … [Read more...]