Ingredients

2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni
4 tablespoons butter
2 1/2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese
3 eggs (some people omit the eggs)
1/2 cup sour cream
1 (10 3/4 oz) can condensed cheddar cheese soup
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup whole milk
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/2 teaspoon black pepper

Directions

1.) Boil the macaroni in water for six minutes. Drain.

2.) In a medium saucepan, mix butter and cheese. Stir until the cheese melts.

3.) In slow cooker combine cheese mixture and add the eggs, sour cream, soup, salt, milk, mustard and pepper. Add the drained macaroni and stir again.

4.) Cook on low for 2.5 hours, stirring occasionally.

I have a secret. Well, not so much a secret really, as much as the elephant in the room – you know, the thing that no one ever talks about. Actually, I think it might be your secret, too.

This whole mom thing? I’m completely winging it.

Yep. You heard me right. I didn’t go to school for this whole parenting gig. By any normal means of measurement, I came to motherhood a COMPLETE amateur. Imagine, if you will, interviewing someone for a job who has absolutely no specialized education in the field, nor any recent on-the-job experience (no, babysitting at 12 for cash to buy Guess jeans doesn’t count anymore) – and you’ve got the parenting resume of probably 95 percent of new moms.

I didn’t spend years studying medicine so I’d know how to comfort a colicky child, know exactly how to measure out the right amount of children’s ibuprofen (I think that stuff may have been scientifically proven to be the stickiest substance on earth), or know what to do when my children shove packing peanuts (Ryan) or raisins (Emma) up their nose.

No lion taming or cat herding experience on which to draw, so trying to get cranky toddlers to do my bidding was an exercise in frustration. Sorry, no advanced mathematics degree (not to mention the fact that story problems have never been my forte), so helping with homework is also homework for me.

I’m not a licensed psychologist or nutritionist, so knowing off-hand how to emotionally bolster a pre-tween who’s had a hard day while also providing a proper nutritional balance day in and day out isn’t immediately apparent to me. And I have absolutely no background as a professional referee, so I’m not precisely sure what the rule is on soccer flags, flag football flags and all those flags over the top of the swim lanes. (Though I do think I should get life credit for having to referee fights over whose turn it is to roll the dice first in the next game of “Clue.”)

So yep- the cat’s out of the bag. I am, 100 percent, completely and totally making this parenting thing up as I go along. But it’s kinda liberating when you realize that everyone else out there is doing it, too! And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I work hard at being a mom — I try to be the right kind of parent that each kid needs, read up on things that might help, etc. And I love those kids beyond anything my pre-child brain could even conceive of, which drives me to do better and be a better mom for them.

But when it comes down to the day-to-day “holy smokes, what do I do now??” moments? I’m taking a guess. It’s my best guess — a guess based on knowledge of my kids, my love for them and the desire to do what’s right and what they need (and, sometimes, Dr. Internet) — but it’s a guess all the same.

But shhhh! Don’t tell the kids. We’ll lose all our parenting cred if they find out!

Whining Down:

One week into the New Year, and I’m feeling like a failure in the ‘resolutions’ department. I believe circumstances are partially to blame (how the heck can you turn down homemade peanut butter cups for breakfast), but I also fault phrasing. By definition, ‘resolution’ means a firm pronouncement to do or not to do something. I am capable of making solid decisions, and I am extremely qualified to make firm decisions on behalf of my children. However, to definitively say that I will cut back on peanut butter cups or wine or watching “The Real Housewives” is ludicrous. Just the idea that I can’t have or do something only makes me want it more! I decided to tweak the whole ‘resolution’ thing into something I can get on board with: ‘alignment’.

An alignment is a process of adjusting pieces so that everything is working in a line or in a proper relative position. In other words, balance. I love wine, and I absolutely need it, so I thought that rather than give any of it up, I’d align it with my goals for 2012: everything in moderation …except laughter, love, and presence. I decided to review an organic European wine: for those aligning heart-healthy habits with sanity and consumption. The Rosso Piceno Superiore Monteprandone is an organic, Italian Sangiovese blend that is both dense and well-aligned….or balanced.

Vineyard:  Vigna Monteprandone, Italy
Year: 2008                 

Alc: 13.5%
     
Price: Reasonably priced at $17 USD!


Prescription: “In the spirit of the whole, “New Year: New Me” thought process, I will NOT eat all 3 chocolate bars. I will have only one to go with my 2 glasses of organic wine and 1 episode of reality TV. 


Review:
My husband and I plucked this one over a NY Strip Steak dinner and it paired VERY nicely. My date described it as “meaty” and I know he wasn’t describing the dinner; he sure as schnapps better not have been talking about me either.


See Jane see: The color is a nice red.

See Jane Swirl: Long legs that stick around for a while. Think Katie Holmes.

See Jane Smell: Very fragrant nose of plums, vanilla, black cherries, and spices.

See Jane Sip:  Dark fruit hits first…plums and cherries. An interesting and satisfying blend.

See Jane Swallow:  Balanced and full-bodied with a long finish.


Rating: In the spirit of realignment into the organic world, I would rate this 3.75 out of 5 kids driving me to drink this worthy.


Pairing: with a meaty date, peanut butter cup(s), moderation, and that 2012 alignment.

I’m freaking out. See the whole turning five thing means all kinds of things I’m not ready for.

Namely kindergarten.

And while I know he’ll (my eldest son) be fine and make friends and learn cool new shit and get great progress reports, I am totally screwed. Because I have to figure out how to get my little one to pre-school, my big one to public school, and my own fat ass to my office.

By 8:15. (Hey, Work Life Flexibility. I’m Kami. I’ve friended you on Facebook, and yet, not much has changed between us…)

We already wake up at the butt-crack of dawn. I already benefit from my husband making their lunches so I can…er…shower. (That’s a blatant lie. I rarely shower in the mornings. Alright, jeez, you got me. I rarely shower. Shut up.) I have a PhD in Scheduling and Strategizing from the University of There’s Way Too Much Shit In My Brain, but for the life of me, I can’t figure this one out.

I’m stumped.

And then, there’s the whole After School Pick Up Debacle. Again with the two separate locations. And two separate sets of extended hours.

I’m not the only person on Earth who works and has small kids, right? And umm, don’t daycares exist so people can go to work? What’s with the bizarro hours? Some of the places in my area open at 9 and close at 2:30. Really. HOW EXACTLY IS THAT HELPFUL? And thanks, public schools, for your early dismissal Wednesdays, and your Teacher Workdays (yes, yes, as an educator I totally hold those days dear, but as a working mom? Not so much.) and your effing snow days…what free help do you have lined up to hang with my kids while I make the proverbial bacon? Hmm?

And just to prolong this rant, Hello, daycare? I’m paying you. A lot. Do you think you can maybe encourage your staff to like show up ON TIME? For instance, if you open at 7am, couldja, perhaps, ACTUALLY OPEN AT 7am? PRETTY PLEASE?!!!

By the way, socialized childcare? Consider me on the bandwagon. I’d also like to sign up as head cheerleader.

And thus, I’m freaking out. (For the record, it’s entirely possible that my freak-out is due in part to the fact that global warming is totally messing with my homeostasis. Here in New York, I actually saw a cherry blossom blossoming. AND IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE FRIGGIN’ WINTER HERE IN THE NORTHEASTERN PORTION OF AMERICA!). But I prefer to blame childcare issues as I’ve already hexed my Seasonal Affective Disorder…

How do you do manage it? The childcare/school thing or this totally sci-fi meteorology? You choose. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Wine:  Tulip Hill Winery Mount Oso Vineyard 2009 Tracy Hills Cabepulciano; Tulip Hill Winery Mount Oso Vineyard 2009 Reserve Chardonnay
Vintage: 2009 Cabepulciano; 2009 Reserve Chardonnay
Alcohol percentage: 13.9% Cabepulciano; 13.1% Reserve Chardonnay
Found at: The California Wine Club

Happy New Year! I find it hard to believe that I made it through the holidays in one piece. Every year, somewhere around December 19th or 20th I start to feel a crushing sensation in my chest, I get lightheaded, and my mind starts racing out of control. The pressure of the holidays pushes me to the brink of insanity. This year, that feeling surfaced on December 18th. I had planned the weekend to finish shopping and wrapping and at 3pm on Sunday, with still 4 people on my list and nothing wrapped, I was behind schedule. I somehow made it through dinner, herded everyone upstairs early and spread out my purchases on the dining room table.

I thought it would be appropriate to pour myself a glass of this month’s selection from the California Wine Club while I got my “elf” on. I opened the Tulip Hill 2009 Cabepulciano and set to work. The Cabepulciano is a blend of 2 different lots of Cabernet Sauvignon and 45% Montepulciano. I never thought that anyone would consider a blend of these two grapes, but the results were fantastic.

I began sipping my wine and wrapping the gifts. I have a system that I employ when it comes to wrapping. I use one design of paper for each person, and that way, only I know which pile is for which person. Unfortunately for me, two glasses into this rich and delicious wine, packed with hints of juicy berries and aromas of spice and vanilla, I might have forgotten who was assigned to what paper. Suddenly I had a pile a Rudolph wrapped gifts and I could have sworn one of those boxes contained shoes for my husband. (Rudolph paper was for my youngest) Or did that box contain the car care kit for my oldest son? (Snowmen paper for him, I think?) Another sip of wine, and I noticed that it had a dry finish, which was surprising, because it started so juicy and full in the mouth. In my house, no wine goes to waste, but I found myself slightly disappointed that I was drinking it without the accompaniment of a meal, or at least someone who could tell me what I just wrapped???

On Monday night after working late, and stopping to pick up a gift for my mother on the way home, I cracked open the Tulip Hill Reserve Chardonnay and begged my husband to help me label the gifts that I screwed up the night before. He is a fan of Chardonnay, while I will admit it is not my favorite. So, I had an ulterior motive.

I found this wine to be smoky, flowery and oaky on the nose. He found it to be balanced and fruity with a creamy finish. We both found it to be packed with citrus flavors. I also found what I thought was my son’s remote control toy helicopter was actually the box that contained my husband’s shoes. I discovered this after I asked him to peek to make sure it was the helicopter, and nearly spit out my wine when he exclaimed, “Whoa! Who scored the Keens????” I found myself second guessing why I asked him to help me, so I sent him into the kitchen to look for the Brie and crackers I bought for Christmas Eve.

The crushing holiday anxiety seemed to disappear that night, and we were able to enjoy a few laughs before our crazy weekend holiday schedule kicked in.

Who: Fish Eye Wine
What: Pinot Grigio (12.5% alcohol) and Pinot Noir (13%)
When: 2010
Where: South Eastern Australia (a small New South Wales town called Griffith, Australia to be exact)
Why: Because you spent the day playing Sherpa to your teen at the mall

How: I first heard about Fish Eye wines from one of my most frugal wine loving pals. She loved the fact that they were $4.99 a bottle. (Anyone with a spend-hungry teenage daughter – see above mall reference – will love that price tag.) She also liked the way they tasted. Thinking this to be a rather promising combination, l ventured out to buy my own stash.

The first word that jumped to my eager little mind upon sniffing this pale, gold-colored wine was: summer! (And trust me, here in the snowy Midwest, you take whatever summer you can get, even if you do have to uncork it.) Lots of lemon and lime and citrus and a general whiff of the great outdoors at its summery best. Being a Pinot Grigio, you’d never call this a full bodied wine (skinny little legs). But it was very light and refreshing in your mouth and tasted of lime and a little peach. Serve it very cold no matter what season you drink it in. This is a great white for a great price!

My first thought upon drinking the Fish Eye Pinot Noir was “this is the perfect red to get people to come over to the red side with.” (We all know people who just don’t do red, don’t we? I think some of them are actually scared of it. Silly them.) There was very little bouquet to the wine and it poured out as a clear brownish red color (uh, really?) that mercifully turned deep red in the glass. You could taste a little fruit – maybe a berry of some kind – a teeny bit of spice – but it wasn’t a strong taste at all. I kept coming back to the word “thin” as I sipped (and to me, thin is a magnificent, if somewhat unattainable, goal…. just not when I’m describing the taste of a wine). And yet, I can’t say it was a “never again” wine. I really believe that someone who is new to the red thing may like this. No oaky tannins to pucker you up afterwards, no lingering burn in the finish. So maybe a starter red? A sangria base? For the same price as the Pinot Grigio, you wouldn’t really be wasting lots of your money!