View from the Empty Nest

One Day

Wake up. It’s seven thirty. My God. Too early. Shut eyes and concentrate on sleep, dammit.

Nine. Ok, then. Stumble down the stairs. Make a bowl of nuts and seeds. Really, this paleo thing kind of stinks. Add blueberries and one drop of vanilla. No sugar, because PALEO. But pour on some heavy cream. Oh, yeah—paleo doesn’t always suck. Make a flat white. Carry it upstairs.

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Dinner Party

I suppose that in Paris, if you are invited to someone’s home for dinner, it is really about the wine. Or maybe in New York City, it is about the sparkling conversation, or maybe the clothes the women are wearing. I guess in most cities, it is not really about the food.

I think this is wrong. I live in Ohio. The heart of the Midwest. Although if you look at a map, Ohio really ISN’T in the middle of the west, but I digress. We have dinner parties in Dayton. There are glamorous people hosting them. Not at my house, however. Another digression. What bothers me is the disingenuousness of all this. Because in my opinion, dinner parties should be about the dinner.

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View from the Empty Nest: Food Fatigue

I fully understand teamwork. Division of labor makes all kinds of sense. But somewhere along the line, the division of labor over here has become depressing. At least to me.

Of course, I am sure that my husband must get tired of mowing the lawn. But he only has to do it in the summer, and only once in awhile. And being outside, strolling behind the mower and stopping to talk with the neighbors doesn’t seem all that bad to me. Well, ok. Sweat. But otherwise.

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View from the Empty Nest: Just Your Average Joe

I read an article recently that made a lot of sense, and it also caused great relief. The gist of the article was that our common perception of what is “average” has been vastly inflated by the media. The result is that most of us think what is “normal” is actually far above it. Let me cite an example: Granite countertops. Whenever I watch HGTV, all the young couples looking for their first home absolutely insist on granite. I mean, they actually say things like, “Granite countertops are a must. If the house doesn’t have them, we are afraid that’s a dealbreaker.”

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View from the Empty Nest: Flu 101

Are you one of the few people in the US who hasn’t had the flu yet? You might need some tips from the rest of us who have had it. Follow these, and perhaps your flu experience will be more pleasant and fulfilling!

  • For heaven’s sake, stock up on tissue. I find that the kind with the lotion is overrated. Your nose will get all chapped anyway. So:
  • Stock up on Vaseline. Actually, this is an understatement, because anyone who bought a jar of Vaseline in the last twenty years still has a lifetime supply in that jar. But if you don’t have any at home, get that one lifetime jar. Rubbing it on your nose and lips is soothing. I am not certain that it really heals anything, but when you are at death’s door, soothing is a good sensation.
  • Don’t be afraid to call your doctor’s office, or page your doctor at midnight. Remember, this is what he/she signed up for in med school. They are paid for this. Get the idea of “I don’t want to bother him/her” right out of your mind! My doc was great, and he told me to use both Nasacort and Afrin one right after the other. My nose really hurt, but he was right, clearing out my head did help slow down on the stuff running down my throat that made me cough my lungs out. I won’t use the “m-word.”
  • Go ahead. Moan around. You have earned this.
  • Drink plenty of fluids. I hate fluids.
  • On one of your repeated phone calls to your doc, be sure to get a narcotic cough syrup. This will be the only way you will be able to stop coughing long enough to sleep. And the pleasant buzz is just a nice little side benefit.
  • Plan on coughing for weeks.
  • Plan on complaining for weeks.
  • As long as you have symptoms, you are contagious. So this is another great benefit. It gets you out of stuff like grocery shopping, working, and going to the gym.
  • Facebook is a good indicator: when you no longer see posts from your friends about how horrible they feel, then maybe the worst of the pandemic is over. It might be safe to go out in a few days. Oh, and it also might be time to stop posting agonizing details about your own cough, how many days you have been wearing the same pajamas, and the last time you took a shower.

I am feeling much better now. I must admit though, that I am a little nostalgic for the good old days of my virus, when I called my doctor so often that it was kind of like having a new boyfriend…
Exciting News!!  Molly’s new novel is available for Pre-Sale! Find it on Amazon.com

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View from the Empty Nest: Reach Out and Touch Somebody. But Not Literally.

Sherry Turkle is an MIT professor who has written a number of books. She began as a real fan of social media. Oh, gosh. Some of you may not know what that is. Facebook you know about, right? Well, that is one social media platform. There are HUNDREDS. Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Stumbleupon, Tsu, Reddit. The list goes on and on.

Millions of us—maybe billions of us, use social media every day. And apparently, the majority of the billions use it every few minutes. Is this alarming to you? It is to Professor Turkle. I wasn’t alarmed until I heard her speak on the Bill Moyers television program (during which I tweeted five times). Turkle says that we get a strong surge of pleasure each time we visit a social media site. Kind of like taking a bite of chocolate. This jolt of positivity is so strong that we can’t resist it.

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View from the Empty Nest: Wrong Number

Remember land lines? When the phone on your kitchen wall would ring, and you would answer it and talk to somebody? And that was it? You couldn’t see people’s lunch photos on it, or get a text message? Life was so much simpler then.

Now, we feel compelled to stay in touch with everybody all the time. I think that the population of the world really needs to see the latest pictures of my grandson, so I post them on Facebook and Twitter, and spend a bunch of time texting the latest snaps of him in, say, his lobster Halloween costume to all my friends and neighbors.

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View from the Empty Nest: What We All Wish We Could Ask That Doctor at the Cocktail Party

1.) I have been having these pains behind my right eye when I watch more than three hours of HGTV  at one sitting. Could this be a tumor? Would eye drops help?

2.) Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? Don’t you just love it?

3.) Whenever I blow my nose, my ears itch. Is this serious? And can people drown using Neti Pots?

4.) How do you know if you have hemorrhoids?

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View from the Empty Nest: The Status Quo

I read an article on the Huffington Post, I think, about being a grandparent. The woman who wrote it said that she has no real desire to be one. I guess she thought that this was very controversial and would cause all kinds of furious comments, thus making her viral and famous. Of course, I may just be a bit contentious myself today.

Because here is the thing: of course you don’t necessarily want something that you have never had. Your life seems just fine the way it is right now. I think this is nature’s way of keeping us sane and contented.

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View from the Empty Nest: Dreams

I have recurring dreams. They are very strange. I guess some of them are common. I have looked some of them up on “dream analysis” web sites. What I have learned about myself isn’t pretty. But some of my readers might share these dream topics, and so I thought I would share my dreams and their meanings, in case you want to know yourself better.

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